Who am I?

"I'm just a girl with a lot on her mind and a big love for cats.

Just me.
Just meow."

Thursday, 17 April 2014

My YouTube addiction

As I wrote last sunday, I'm not planning on having deadlines for when I have to write a new post, and I never know when I will write a new one. Just now, I was sitting on my bed and I felt like writing a blogpost, so that's what I'm doing right now! :D

I have been thinking about writing about my YouTube addiction for a couple of days now, just because I would love to write all about it. It started somewhere in the end of 2011, when a friend of mine introduced me to PewDiePie's video's. At that time, I didn't really understand what was so much fun about watching other people playing games. Back then, YouTube was just a place where you could find all the music you want to me. But I gave his video's a chance and I liked them more than I expected. In fact, I LOVED them. And that's where it all began..

For a long, looong time, I was only watching PewDiePie. After a year or so, I discovered Smosh. I know what you're thinking: All these YouTubers are the most mainstream YouTubers I could find back then. And they are! But I loved them, and I watched Smosh video's for hours. (I also didn't realize I could be a fan of multiple YouTubers at once, and felt like I was betraying PewDiePie. I didn't know yet that after a couple of years, my subscriptionbox would be overloaded.. Oh well.) When Marzia, PewDiePie's girlfriend, started making video's as well, I subscribed to her right away. (Ofcourse, as the gigantic fangirl that I was.. Okay, am. But I also just really like her video's!) I got really into the 'YouTube spirit' and found even more YouTubers like Tyler Oakley, Joey Graceffa, and WonderlandWardrobe. (Kalel Cullen, Who is Anthony from Smosh's girlfriend/fiancĂ©.. Yeah.. The fangirl thing..) 

One day, I was watching all of Tyler Oakley's old video's that he uploaded while I wasn't subscribed to him yet, and I found a collaboration of him and Joe Sugg. (ThatcherJoe.) I liked it a lot, and I also loved the video they did on Joe's channel, but I didn't check out his channel yet. After a while, I found another collab of him and a British YouTuber, Marcus Butler. I did look at Marcus's channel, and I eventually subscribed to him. And if you're subscribed to one person of the "British gang", eventually, you'll be subscribed to all of them. ThatcherJoe, Marcus Butler, Jim Chapman, Zoella, Tanya Burr, PointlessBlog, SprinkleOfGlitter, etc. I could go on forever, I think. Right now, I have 52 subscriptions, which are, except for one or two, all channels that make video's every week or more. These are video's like collabs, gaming video's DIY's, vlogs, Q&A's, ALL KINDS OF VIDEO'S. AND IT'S LIKE HEAVEN TO ME. (I really have to work on the fangirl thing.)

So yeah, right now I can seriously admit that I've developed a YouTube addiction. All the people around me are probably annoyed by it, except for the ones who are also in love with YouTubers. Sorry! Just can't help it. heehee.

My biggest dream is to go to VidCon and/or Playlist Live and to make video's myself. Will it ever happen? I don't know.. We'll see.

For now it's just me.
Just meow.

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Insecurities, everyone has them.

Hello, there I am again!
 Less than twelve hours ago I wrote my first blog post, and I'm back already. I enjoyed writing my first post and this morning I was thinking about insecurities. So what did I do? I thought "what the hell" and clicked on the "create new post" button. I don't know who will read this, but I'm still kinda nervous about publishing this blog post because it means I now really have to prove myself. 
To who? To myself. I also hope that if there are people who read this, I will help them with this post.

My "normal" style I wear to school is just jeans and a T-shirt or tanktop. Sometimes I dare to wear a skirt, but that's it. Do I like it? Yeah, I like that I'm comfortable in it and that I don't have to worry about other people's opinions. But yesterday it hit me: do I like the way I LOOK? And no, I don't. I think it's too average. Every morning when I get dressed, I look in the mirror and think by myself: "Meh. I think it's okay again." But I want myself to think "I LOVE the way I look today!". I always see people on the internet wearing things I would love to own and wear. For example: Zoella, CutiePieMarzia and Kalel Cullen. I love Kalel's style the most, with a lot of cute and lacey things, high socks, and not caring if other  people might think it's too short or something, because SHE knows it's not showing anything private she doesn't want to show. I would LOVE to dress the way she does. WHATEVER she's wearing, I always think "Oh my god, I want it" when I see her. But why do I keep dressing the way I always do, when I want to dress differently? Insecurities.
Everyone has them.

Yesterday I decided to wear something different to school today. I chose for galaxy leggings I ordered online a couple of years ago, cause I thought they looked cool, and a top with a kitten on it with a black cardigan. I combined it with regular black shoes and I actually love the way I look now, cause it's different from just jeans. And 99% of the internet population will probably just say it's one of the most normal looks they've ever seen. But on a school where almost everybody wears jeans and a
 T-shirt, tanktop or sweater, it looks kind of different. Especially when you're one of the girls who never even tried something different before. And it's not like I'm scared to wear something tight, I am satisfied with my body. I actually feel like I could gain some weight. But I'm afraid of the word

Yesterday, I felt convinced and comfortable about it. But this morning I sat in my room for 20 minutes, doing nothing but thinking if it wasn't too daring. I kept trying to convince myself that if I saw someone wearing it myself, I wouldn't think it's weird and I would love the person for wearing it. But something in me gave me the feeling that if I would wear it, all I would see is people with judging faces, maybe they would even be laughing at me. 

But then I told myself that that's ridiculous and walked downstairs as confident as I could.
The thing is that I have to leave for school in an hour and that I'm still superscared to go out of my comfortzone. I feel like when you read this, you'll be thinking: "Just leggings? What's so different about leggings?". The difference is: I never wear them. But I want to, starting now. From now on, I will always try to wear something I may not be as confident about, but definitely love. I think I'm also writing this blog post to distract myself from wanting to run upstairs and change into jeans. 

But the main reason is, for whoever is reading this: 
You're the most beautiful when you feel like it, not when you think you look "acceptable", like I always did.

It's a tiny start, but from now on, I am going to do everything with that motto in my head. I am, among with other things,  going to use this blog to help myself with it.

I really want to try to keep up with it. I am now telling myself: I don't want to be the "acceptable" girl.

I want to be just me.
Just meow.

So it begins..

Yeah.. hi!
So this is it. My blog. I have zero experience on writing a blog, I am not even English, so I'm probably going to make lots and lots of spelling and grammar mistakes, and right now I am literally writing this for probably only myself to read. And if there actually is somebody besides me who is reading this.. Hello there!

So, if you're the only one who's reading it, why did you start a blog, you may ask? That is because I just wanted to try. I am probably one of many people who would LOVE to have a blog that many people like to read in their spare time, (sometimes not even in their spare time) and I couldn't resist trying. But I've told myself to just write what's on my mind, whether there are two people reading, 100, or absolutely none. If there are people who like to read what I'm writing about, then that's great. But I'm not going to try to advertise it or whatever. 
I have to admit, I once tried to start a YouTube channel. Because of a Glee fan video I made a couple of years ago, I already had around 60 subscribers and I was very optimistic that it would increase as long as I didn't stop making video's. Guess what? I stopped. To me, I sound like a quitter right now. And I probably am one. No, I know I am one. And I really hope I won't stop blogging. But I didn't quit YouTube because I felt like I'd be trying forever and it wouldn't make any difference. I stopped because the finding a video-idea, filming, and the editing took me so long that I didn't have time for other schoolwork. And the dedicated schoolgirl in me (sigh) told me to focus on school. I didn't stop having the dream of becoming a YouTuber. Today I was reading a lot of blogs, which I normally don't even have the patience for, and I figured that I could start one myself. Just to write my thoughts down, clear things up, etc. It's also less time consuming as YouTube, and maybe people will even like reading what I write. so that's why this blog now exists. I have no idea if i will keep posting, or if I will keep having fun writing. That's why I'm not going to do anything to advertise my blog. I'm afraid that if I do, I will be focusing too much on the advertising part instead of the writing part, which also happened a little bit during the whole YouTube fase. When I'm only focusing on the writing part, I'll be myself, and if there are people who like me writing about things that pop up in my head, without having to think about what I should do next and trying to attract as much readers as I can, then I'll be even more motivated to keep going. But, even IF that's going to happen, that'll be waaay into the future. We'll see what happens. 

For now, I'm just a girl with a lot on her mind and a big love for cats.

Just me,
Just meow.